Manuscript

Poster print collage from an old page manuscript book - Not paper but fine cotton canvas
Originally uploaded by artisticoshop

I printed out my manuscript today and I'm excited to sit down and read it tonight.

I think I'm at the halfway point but I'm not sure because, well, I've never read it straight through from beginning to end. When I'm writing, I'm so focused on the writing itself that sometimes the plot fades into the background and instead of furthering it, I'll spend three hours re-structuring a paragraph... or sometimes a sentence.

Or I'll get caught up researching a detail to assure its historical accuracy... to the point that I won't rest until I find evidence in a primary source and the next thing I know, hours have passed.

So, tonight I'm going to read and see what I've been writing - let's hope it reads like a book!

Work Ethic

protestant work ethic
Originally uploaded by berniq

I have a strong work ethic. Sometimes I really enjoy working. Sometimes I really hate it. But regardless of how I feel about it, I continue to work, because that is what one does; one works.

When I was a teenager, I hated school work just as much as the next kid. However, 99.9% of the time I did it anyway and submitted it when it was expected because that's what one did - one worked when asked to work and one produced what was expected.

The remaining .1% of the time when I didn't do my work, I felt guilty and nervous and wished I had just done my work in the first place because it would've been a lot easier than feeling bad about myself.

But instead of getting caught up in a cycle of no return, I would go out and buy all new notebooks and folders and pens and start fresh the next day.

Why? Because doing my work never resulted in harm. Yes, I missed out on a few TV shows here and there but miraculously, I managed to do my work and still closely follow the lives of Brenda, Brandon, Dylan, Kelly, Donna, David and Steve (I never cared about Andrea's life).

I did my work out of respect for my teachers, to keep my parents off my back, to make use of my new pens and notebooks, to lord it over my friends who didn't do their work, but most of all, I did it for two reasons:

1. So I could feel good about myself and not suffer anxiety, like I did when I walked into a classroom unprepared

and

2. So I wouldn't have to look at a crappy grade on my report card and feel bad about myself

So I worked. Why? Because that's what one does - one works in order to achieve success. If one does not work, one will not achieve success. End of story.

Don't expect to get something for nothing.

Ugg

12/365: Out sick
Originally uploaded by Blueeyes24

I haven't been feeling well. I missed school today and I'm overwhelmed in general, so it's been difficult to keep on my schedule.

I feel very guilty - I had a high school teacher who once said to me "oh, so you want to be a writer. Well, let me ask you this: do you write daily? Do you write obsessively? Do you write when you're sick? Well, if you don't, you're not a writer."

That tidbit has stuck with me for the past 20 years and it's because of that comment that for 19 years, I did not view myself as "a writer". However, as I've gotten older, I've grown to realize that writing is not as cut and dry as people try and make you believe. Writing is difficult, it's petulant, it's submissive, and it's enlightening.

Most of all, it's not what one high school teacher determined it to be 20 years ago. It's what it is. Period.

Just because I'm not writing, doesn't mean I'm not thinking. And I'm usually thinking about writing. Actually, I'm always thinking about writing.

So, if I don't pump out more pages, that doesn't mean there aren't more pages in me. If I don't write on a strict schedule, well, that just means that I don't have that luxury because instead, I have a 2 hour daily commute, a wedding to plan, 3500 papers to grade each quarter, 20 pages of lesson plans to write every two weeks, a fiance to spend time with, a cat to take care of, groceries to buy, nails to maintain, patio furniture to purchase, local foods to source out, friends to keep in contact with, a family to keep in touch with, a house to keep clean, a self to keep healthy... and the list goes on.

Just because I'm not writing, doesn't mean I'm not a writer.